To My Alex…
The excitement that a mother feels when she is pregnant with her first child is only matched by her fears.
Will I be able to carry to term?
Will the baby be healthy?
Will I be a good parent?
And then you deliver this beautiful baby girl…
And your world stops.
She’s perfect…perfect little nose, perfect little ears, ten fingers and ten toes.
And you know you’ve never loved anything this much before.
As she grows, she develops her personality…and what a personality she had!
She would dance, she would sing…Achy Breaky Heart…Chattahoochee…dressed in her little black jeans, black cowgirl shirt and hat and boots!
She charmed the socks off everyone!
School began, and I dressed you up every day…I know, I know…you still haven’t forgiven me for the teasing I caused you. 🙂
Always an old soul, when the turmoil at home came to a head, you and I muddled through – always honest with each other.
And we still played, and smiled, and sang (loudly in the car), and danced, and found something good and fun in the darkness.
You knew before we did that Tim and I would get married…so worried that I wouldn’t have room in my heart for you anymore.
And with Tim we began a whole new journey…of love and quiet strength.
We survived the tumultuous teenage years, loving each other all the way through. (In spite of your Dad’s best efforts to bring it all down, and maybe because of his actions – we not only survived but thrived!)
We belted out Pat Benatar and Cher songs as we painted our basement walls with Henri Matisse paintings. Our version of physical therapy was good for our souls too.
Your beautiful, strong, loving personality shined.
You danced like an angel.
You played the part.
You danced while everyone watched and you danced when no one watched.
You took everything seriously.
A’s in school.
Editor of the Yearbook.
Captain of the Dance Team.
College of your choice, graduating with a double major.
And now you are in the big kid world…and I am so very proud of you.
I may not get to see you as often as I like (this is not a guilt trip!)…
But we text…and we skype…and we talk on the phone.
And I love that you are all grown up and in love.
But I will admit..
There are moments that I wish I could see that little girl again…
Belting out Chattahoochee…dancing away…and the look of awe in your face when Alan Jackson shook your hand. I swear you looked like you’d never wash that hand ever again.
I love you my sweet first daughter.
Always and forever…
In my very big heart with enough room for everyone.