There are Moments I’m a Hater…

I’ve always hated the word hate.

I’ve always thought of myself as a pretty positive person.

But there are moments I succumb to the world’s frustrations.

Just now was one of them…

I realized the toilet had plugged up once again…(let’s just say it happened before everyone left the house this morning so we don’t point fingers).

It’s a finicky toilet, that seems to plug up fairly regularly (no pun intended {insert faint smile}).

Which is the cause of the frustration and moment of saying “I HATE this toilet!”

And it reminded me of the washing machine, which also decides to give us problems on a regular basis…and no amount of pushing buttons, opening and shutting doors, and yes swiftly kicking will fix it.  What fixes it?  Time.  I’m not kidding.

I don’t get it…it’s a machine…with a digital panel thingy behind the buttons (or so the repairman tells me).  How does it know to yell at us with it’s high pitched beeping to say “I need a timeout!”?

I don’t know, but it does.  And inevitably after a few hours break we can push start and it will start.

Can I get a very loud and resounding “UGH!?!” {palm to forehead}

Which brings me back to that word “hate”.

As long as I’m on a roll….

I hate my health…

And I REALLY hate it when people say “Well, at least you don’t have cancer!”.

Let me tell you now…people that have an autoimmune disease HATE it when you say things like that.  Because of course we’re glad we don’t have cancer.

For people that have autoimmune diseases you will get what I’m talking about.

Let’s face it – MOST cancers are curable – if caught early enough.

Let me insert a disclaimer here…I know second-hand (from watching relatives go through it)  the cure is far from a walk in the park…it’s painful, it’s debilitating at times, it’s sickening (literally) and it’s incredibly hard to get through and then there’s the fear that it will come back in some way, shape or form.  And in some cases it is not curable…we watched Tim’s grandfather pass away from the dreaded disease…fading before our eyes…it was truly heartbreaking.

I am in no way trying to tell someone who has cancer that what they have is nothing.  IN NO WAY trying to demean or diminish them and their disease.

What I AM trying to say is…STOP – to the people that demean and diminish what we go through on a daily basis.

Autoimmune diseases are not curable…symptoms can be treated most of the time…and sometimes not…and sometimes they work for a while and then your body changes and they don’t work anymore.

It is a lifetime of daily aches and pains, sometimes here, sometimes there…somedays it’s a struggle to get out of bed, other days it’s not a problem.

But most every day there are symptoms…taking a once “Energizer Bunny” down quite a few notches to a “the dr. says I’m supposed to only work 4-6 hrs and then rest” type of person.  So you make some sort of adjustment to your schedule because you’re so tired…and wear out so easily.  Then you’ve got a good thing going and something else hits…so you adjust again.  Then you flare…and you take some time to heal.  Then you get hit with something else…and you adjust again.  And sometimes those same people I referred to earlier say – “just get up and get exercising and you’ll feel better”…Mental head slap…you think we haven’t thought of that?  Sometimes that works and other times it makes everything worse.

I have a friend who has lupus, peripheral neuropathy, etc, etc, etc.  And she is one of the most beautiful, sweetest, and hardest-working women I know.  But she’s tired.

We laugh together some days as we commiserate on how we’re feeling lately…and then she says “But you look so good”!  We especially laugh at that saying.  Sometimes people say that and think it’s a compliment.  And sometimes people like us just want to slap them (ok a little too physical there…I’m really a non-violent person).

For people with “invisible” diseases, sometimes hearing someone say “You look great today” isn’t a compliment.  We know it’s meant as one and so we smile and say thank you.

What warms our heart?  To have someone who understands look us in the eye and say “How are you today?…you look a little tired…”

Are we looking for sympathy?  NO.  That’s not it at all.  But it’s nice to feel like someone cares enough to notice.

When I ask my friend how she’s doing and she forgets who she’s talking to and answers “fine”, I look her in the eye and call her a liar!  Then we laugh together and we go on.

Because after all…it is what it is, God has a plan…and “this too shall pass”.  All the sayings I like to use on the rough days.  And then I find something to smile about…and perhaps laugh about…and be thankful about…and the day turns brighter and away I go!

So there you have it…my rants and my raves…

Someday I’ll get myself a less temperamental washer…and a less clogging toilet.

In the meantime I may just draw a face on the washer and name her Beatrice…I think it has a nice wring to it (get it, wring…ring?)…oh boy, I think that’s about the lamest attempt at humor I’ve had yet!

Oh well, have a great day everyone!

Patty O