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A Dirty Diaper, 4 Pens, and 2 Christmas Ornaments

Add in a cell phone, a pair of Crocs, a pair of fleece slippers, multiple dog toys, baby toys, a brand new baby sippy cup and a Lip Balm…and you have the cumulative list of what Motzy has eaten to date.

Motzy (short for Motzaball) for those of you who haven’t met him, is our 7 month old English Setter.

He’s a beautiful boy who can be very sweet; laying on my feet, snuggling and laying on my computer keyboard (while I work on it – yeah, love that one).

OK but back to the eating thing…

Let’s talk about a few…

Christmas ornament #1: Remember those huge Christmas sales I told you about? Well, I hit another one last week and found the most beautiful red cloth cardinals to put in the tree or use as décor…I put them on the counter – far enough back – or so I thought. I had to run pickup Gabi and you can guess what I found when I got back. Beautiful red cardinal parts throughout the house. More than a few expletives may have escaped my mouth at that moment (poor Gabi and her sweet little ears).

Next…

We swore that he’d eaten an entire lip balm and a pen (cases and all). Thankfully we found the pen case pushed into the couch (he’d hidden the evidence) and then a day later we found the lip balm case in the driveway. A breathed a sigh of relief as I had been a little concerned about how these items might escape him, if you know what I mean.

Then…

Christmas ornament #2: There was a day after Christmas that Miss Sam was left with Motzy. Let’s just say he’s not her favorite dog. I arrived home to her telling me “Your stupid dog ate a Christmas ornament…a GLASS one!!!” I looked at her with a smirk and said “Well, he’ll be shittin’ shards!” OK, I was kidding, and that’s not the type of thing that flies out of my mouth. Thankfully he didn’t actually eat it – we found the pieces later, but it was a funny moment…darn that quirky sense of humor.

OK, now for the really gross item.

Yes, he ate a dirty diaper…and I mean a REALLY dirty diaper – a 20 month old’s poo.

{sigh}

OK…I have to say this first – THIS WAS NOT MY FAULT! The Baby Mama (the daycare babies Momma) had been here for lunch, changed the babies diaper and put it on the garage floor.

OK…now before you wonder why on earth she’d put it there, remember I live in the tundra. -22 today with the wind chill. I reuse a plastic grocery bag and place it on the workshop’s door (which is just outside our man door to the garage). This is where I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I put the dirty diapers. And Baby Mama knows that, but there was a sled and skates (donation for a local auction) hiding it. So, she put it on the floor.

OK, here’s my bad…I didn’t see it there…and I let Motzy out to go potty…and I still didn’t see it there when he ran in and I saw him grab ‘something’ on his way in. I thought nothing of it, thinking it was a leaf, or piece of paper, who knows?

Well…he went running for the dining room with his ‘treasure’ and I went back to reading books to the babies. (We were having a major reading fest – I think we went through almost a dozen books.) I finished with one book and started into the next one when I smelled poop. I looked at the baby and said “Pe-uuu – you stink” (in a silly voice). Went on reading and finally stopped and said “Holy cow are you ninky!” She just silently looked up at me and smiled (which she usually does when she’s pooped). So…we finished the last book and I looked in her diaper and realized she hadn’t……….at that same moment I realized Motzy had not shown his face this entire time…….and that sinking feeling hit.

We start for the dining room as I say “MOTZYYYYYYYY – what do you have?” And it still hadn’t dawned on me that he might have a dirty diaper.

We arrive in the dining room and I see him laying on the floor with a piece of something in his mouth. I reach down and take it from him, along with about 5 other small scraps (we’re talking maybe 2″x4″ size) and I say “what on earth do you have?”

{huge sigh – which turns into a MOTZYYYYYY – OH GROSS – YOU ATE A DIRTY DIAPER!!!}

And I mean a WHOLE dirty diaper…with the exception of 6 small scraps. Those of you who have had babies know just how big and full those diapers can get. Those little beads inside that soak up all the babies messes. And my dog has just eaten it all… {gag}

Picture this, the babies are behind me watching intently as this scene unfolds. Motzy is looking up at me while he lays in the little bit of baby poop and few beads of diaper that are left on my dining room floor. I can feel my head about to explode with disgust – my stomach churns – and the smell of baby poo is now burned into my nose.

{sigh}

I shepherd the babies into the living room and tell them to “STAY!” Motzy is thrown (ok, wishful thinking) – put outside. And I head back to the dining room with Clorox wipes and paper towels. I think the silent words ‘damn dog, damn dog, damn dog’ ran through my mind.

A little while later, Baby Mama called me to say she was on her way to pick up the girls…we talked for a little bit and I said “Oh, by the way, you’re FIRED!” (said jokingly). She said “What?” laughing. So I told her what Motzy had done…what does she say next? NOTHING! She was laughing too hard! She laughed…and laughed…and laughed. And when she stopped laughing she said “That’s a new one, I’ve never had to deal with that before!” Silently I think “Oh, I’m so glad I can provide you with a first” as my eyes rolled. She said “we can make him throw up”. Do I need to even write my response? OK, here it is: “Ohhh, I think I’ll let you take care of that!” Which she did…poor Motzy…POOR Baby Mama! Again, GROSSSSSS! (ps…remember she’s a Veterinarian.)

Oh…I almost forgot…the baby did give me a superior little look throughout this with a devilish smirk on her face. I could see her thoughts going through her head…”And you thought it was me…hahahaha (small little evil laugh while throwing her head back).”

We’re not even going to discuss the other items. These four are bad enough.

If you have or have ever had a puppy, you may be able to relate. I love my puppy…90% of the time. The other 10% of the time you can find me pulling my hair out and swearing silently while cleaning up or throwing away his latest victim.

{sigh}

Patty O

ps…doesn’t he look just so sweet and innocent in this picture? (Grrrr…)

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5 Comments Post a comment
  1. Bonnie #

    I thoroughly enjoyed this HILARIOUS story. I’m not too sure how it got onto Linda’s blog (dancingthruyears), but I loved it!

    Like

    January 29, 2014
    • Thanks Bonnie – if you need more laughs, feel free to look under the “laughs” category on my blog! I’ve always said, my life is a zoo… 🙂

      Like

      January 29, 2014
      • Bonnie #

        Thanks for the invite, Patty. I love your blog and look forward to following it.

        Like

        January 29, 2014

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  1. A Dirty Diaper, 4 Pens, and 2 Christmas Ornaments | dancingthruyears
  2. My Dog Ate My Glasses | A Thankfully Imperfect Woman

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